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UNITED FRONT: DISCIPLINE IS LOVE

 

                           UNITED FRONT: DISCIPLINE IS LOVE SERIES

                        Antonio & Christelle Baldovinos | Marriage and Family

 

 

 

Jesus said, “A house divided cannot stand.”

We as parents must always show a united front.

Before we begin, if you’re a single parent, this blog may not relate to you at this moment but there is a grace to bring healthy discipline to your children even if you are doing it alone.

Our kids regularly say things like, “can I have a cookie?” Our first question is, “Did you already ask your Mom (or Dad)?

Kids will ask for many things. Sometimes it is small and unimportant like a cookie, but sometimes it’s more.

I usually give an answer, “Did you talk to your Mom?”, or “go and talk to your Mom and tell me what she said.” We always want to show a united front. We have a rule in our home that if one has already said no, it means “NO”.

Kids are very smart, and like most kids, our kids already know who would probably say yes or who would probably say no to the particular question they are asking. For example, they know that if they are asking for a treat or a snack, I am the first one to say, “Oh yeah, of course”. Christelle would probably say, “No”.

Our marriage is more important than our children. Our kids are watching us to see if we mean what we say and if we respect each other. When they want to cross a line, they will often do it where there is dis-unity in our parenting, to access the easiest route.

If they see unity, they instinctively know it is futile and far more too difficult to rebel.

It is important as a couple to discuss your standards, methods and values ahead of time and implement them in oneness.

These are things that we decide together. We both do the disciplining when needed and our kids know, that no matter who is implementing the discipline at that moment, even though the other parent may not be present, it’s done together and in agreement.

This is a way we maintain unity and create stability for our kids.

THIS IS WHAT NOT TO DO

“I would let you do this, but your mother won’t”. What does that say to kids? Your divided at that point.

      A house…

                  divided…

                          against itself…

                                     will…NOT…stand.

Don’t take this lightly. It’s imperative that couples parent together.

Christelle is not going to pawn it on me to be the “bad cop” and she the “good cop”. When we first got married and we needed to discipline our children, she used to say, “when your dad comes home, he will deal with you.” But that was making me the “bad cop” and when I came home, I was related as, primarily, the disciplinarian. So over the years we have adjusted this and to the best of our ability, the same intensity is given by the both of us.

There is strength to the husband being the final authority but it is unfair for either parent to take the brunt of all disciplinarian action.

This also means that if a child respects one parent and disrespects the other, that parent ensures they honor and respect the other parent. I don’t let the kids disrespect Christelle and if I’m present. I don’t make Christelle defend herself, I jump in and do not allow this.

Also, we can’t say things to our children in private that creates dis-respect for the other. This gives permission for the child to be dis-respectful and ultimately creates rebellion.

Unity means, “what you did to her, you did to me”.

Division means, “You can disrespect them and I’m going to do nothing”.

I have the mandate, when you pick a fight with Christelle, you pick a fight with me. I do not allow division.

Always honor each other in front of your children. Never disrespect your spouse in front of your kids. This includes belittling of any kind.

If there are disagreements, talk about them privately and present your kids with a united front. Fight for it and they will feel secure.

When I was young, I was probably 4 or 5 years old, my mom and dad had just given their lives to Jesus.

As a result of their new fledgling faith, my dad and my mom had decided that they wouldn’t smoke cigarettes anymore. My dad was an architect and on one particular Saturday morning he took me to work with him. While at the office, he grabbed a cigarette to smoke it and he looked at me and whispered, “don’t tell your mother, this is just between us”. I knew that was wrong and I didn’t like it. So as soon as I saw my mom, I blurted out “mom, dad was smoking!”

Obviously my Dad is nothing like this today, he is a wonderful dad and an on fire believer. But the story still has a relatable and important point. Division, even seemingly small, creates disunity and is a breeding ground for sin to abound.

Just as I knew, children know and understand division. I, as a child, watched the power of God rapidly change my parents and they became a strong united front to us as children. No matter where you find yourself now, when we yield your home to God, He brings His grace to change.

We may not realize it, but when we are not united we force our children to choose a side. This is unfair to everyone.

Never Allow a Significant Difference to Develop in How You Express Love or How You Discipline your children.

Your children need both of you to be affectionate.  

Your children need both of you to discipline them.

When demonstrated, even imperfectly, your children will experience the wholeness of love. Affection and discipline are 2 sides of the same coin and both are love. As we shared in our first blog, one without the other creates severe problems.

You are both empowered to discipline and you both are supporting one another in seeing your children flourish through it.

You see, when one parent is the “fun one”, the other parent has to be “stern” in order to bring a balance.

If you’re the one who is always having fun, to keep an orderly home, the other becomes the stern parent and it becomes off balance. The same is true of the opposite. This also robs from allowing the more stern one of being able to share their full affection, when they have to pull the weight of the majority of the discipline.

Children need affection and discipline from both the father and the mother. They need both parents to affirm them verbally and be affectionate. You need both to express discipline in a healthy way.

Come together.

Most couples often have very different personalities, but do your best to present a unified, balanced front to your children.

Don’t let your kids become a casualty.

If you are interested in more, we will continue this conversation and we look forward to hearing from you. You can email us at info@antoniobaldovinos.com. Share it with your friends on social media and keep connected by signing in to our email list to ensure you get the others.

KIDS DO HALF MY GOOD DOUBLE MY BAD

KIDS DO HALF MY GOOD, DOUBLE MY BAD

Antonio Baldovinos | Family & Marriage

Kids do half our good and double our bad. Even if you don’t like that, it’s true.

Looking at your children is a good way to evaluate your habits, priorities and values. Of course, each kid has their own personalities, desires and values, but kids most often reflect you.

Do what I say, not as I do doesn’t work. It didn’t work when you were a kid and it won’t work for your children. My kids don’t even understand the concept of that.

They follow our example.

They do what we do, not what we say to do.

You may be asking, so what should I do? How do I lead better? The answer: lead by example. 

Do what you want them to do and tell them why you’re doing it.

LIVING BY EXAMPLE

Living by example sounds easy, but it’s a challenge as parents to be consistent with this. Successful parents practice what they preach and are mindful of their actions. They know their children are watching them.

Living by example sets a positive standard of behavior and sets an example for your children to improve. Here are some things that can help you.

1. On the Spot Coaching – when living normal life, on the spot teaching in short segments is a great way of developing your children and shows and tells them what is right and what is wrong. Tell them what the Bible says about what they observe and why its important to pray for that person or situation and also why we need to obey the Bible in every way in our life.

2. Open Communication – Open, frequent, and honest communication is vital in your home. Open communication tells your children the who, when, why, where and what is valued in your home.

3. Watch what you say – Actions do speak louder than words, but words can have a direct impact on so much. You will either bring life or death, and how you speak will be imitated. Even speaking about others makes a great negative impact.

4. Take responsibility – As the saying goes, “it’s lonely at the top”. Great parents know when to accept responsibility for mistakes made. This is a great training for how to teach children to respond with humility. As a parent be quick to repent to your children and watch what God can do.

Parents provide the earliest influence on their children. By modeling leadership in their own lives, parents profoundly affect the kind of leaders their children become.

Lastly, one thing we pray for regularly is for God to cover the holes in our covering. We will all make mistakes and need God’s help and grace to help us in leading our homes. I pray you take these points, consider them and lead by example by God’s grace!

Embracing Motherhood by Christelle Baldovinos

Women today are told so many lies. Rarely do we hear or see what a godly woman should look like, act like – and be. The lies that the feminist movement of the 60’s brought in have infiltrated our western culture and the Church. The results are a radical decline in birthrate, abortion, fatherless families, and social confusion. The spirit of this world is trying to take women from their positions of strength. The message rooted in pride, self-centeredness and self-advancement must be countered with a company of women who walk out their value, their worth, and who embrace the high call of raising up disciples in their own home.

“A woman of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies…Many woman do noble things, but you surpass them all. Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised. (Proverbs 31:10 &29-30)”

 We can become a company of women who fear and please the Lord through everything we do including our parenting. We can be women who care more about inner beauty and releasing it into our homes, than conforming to the patterns and standards the world sets for us. The Lord places such a high value on being a woman who invests in her home; that He states, “you surpass all the others, even those who do other noble things!” (My paraphrase) That is a powerful declaration. We have great worth in the sight of the Lord and as we lay down our lives to invest in these ones entrusted to us, we are taking the high position of Jesus- a servant.

 This subject of “Embracing Motherhood” has been something that I have been pondering in my heart for many years. How do I raise kids to be equipped to live a life of radical obedience to the Lord, in a culture that pursues mostly personal gain instead of personal sacrifice? If being a mother was so valuable then why did society view it as weak and a downgrade? Why do cultural norms, even in Christian circles, seem to be so very different than scripture? Can being a mom really affect more for the kingdom than pursuing my own interests, even godly ones? Do I have what it takes to raise kids as ammunition against the enemy as Psalm 127:4 says that kids are? In the midst of our family growing, and the weight of responsibility came, I really began to ask God to reveal the answers to these questions to my heart. God has since allowed me a glimpse of what I get to take part in by being a mother. I am not only getting to raise five children to pursue God, and take hold of what He has for them, but I am building a legacy that will affect and echo throughout all eternity.

 After much thought and struggle, I felt that I should share some things I have learned and am still learning from being a wife and mothering our five children. I have put together a two-part teaching on “Embracing Motherhood”.  Hope you are challenged and inspired to take hold of what only you can do for your kids…enjoy it!

To read the full teaching…..click here: http://antoniobaldovinos.org/resources/Embracing-Motherhood-Part-1.pdf

To read other articles and teachings, click here: http://antoniobaldovinos.org/page17/index.html

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