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DISCIPLINE IS LOVE SERIES: STARTING THE CONVERSATION

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                 DISCIPLINE IS LOVE SERIES: STARTING THE CONVERSAION

                     Antonio & Christelle Baldovinos | Marriage and Family

 

How can you love your kids through discipline?

Through the various seasons.

Ages.

Personalities.

Genders.

How do you effectively guide their hearts and lives?

There are countless ideas, methods and opinions.

We only get one shot at parenting and most parents want to do this right.

We don’t get a manual for how to father and mother and once you think you have figured out one season, you are being challenged to grow in the next.

For us to speak on disciplining and raising your children is risky and the controversies and differing opinions can be volatile. We know that we could even get hate mail because we even bring up the subject. We simply want to help.

We are not professionals.

We are not counselors.

We do not have a degree in child phycology.


We have 5 children from ages 7-17, and we have also lost 2 children who are in Heaven. We have been married 19 years, and we have more to grow in ourselves. We are not perfect and we have much to learn.


You may not know our children or us. We have done some things wrong, made many mistakes and by the grace of God we have done some things correctly. The reality of the need for God’s guidance and grace provokes our most frequent prayer “God, cover the holes in our covering”.

We have great parents who loved and cared for us to the best of their ability, imperfectly but always reaching to guide us Biblically. We have also learned from many other parents who have done it correctly.

We want to start the dialogue of disciplining children through a series of blogs to help those that want to learn and bring strength to their homes and the wisdom of God into their parenting.

Over 100 years ago when a young mother had her first baby the older women in the family came over and brought guidance and counsel to help the young mom. Similarly the older men of the families taught the young fathers and husbands how to be men. Somewhere over the years we have gone from the Biblical passing down our inheritance through family to leaning on the so called “experts”. We must get back to the tried and proved ways of God and can no longer ignore the time honoring ideas from the Bible.

The experts of the 1920’s spoke of a harsh no affection approach to parenting. As time went on we reached the 1960’s and 70’s that introduced a permissive, no discipline approach to parenting, where defiant behavior was viewed as something that could be “reasoned with” or grown out of.  

The pendulum swung from harsh oppressive discipline with no love or affection to a permissive approach that equates discipline as unloving.

Both have detrimental effects.

Oppressive harsh discipline belittles a child and creates rejection, hostility and a ruined self-worth.

Permissiveness breeds disrespect and it creates children that are tyrants and dictators. In adolescent years permissive parenting will reap hatred toward their parents. Permissiveness has not only failed as an approach to child rearing, it has been a disaster to those who have tried it.

We must understand that love and discipline interact to influence the attitude and formation of respect and stability in a child. Disciplinary action is not an assault on parental love; it is a function of it.

Some view love and discipline as contradicting one another; love and affection versus setting limits when defiant behavior occurs. Love and discipline seem to be opposing each other, yet they are two dimensions of the same quality. One demands the other.

We must understand that appropriate discipline is not something parents “do” to a child, but it is something they do “for” the child.

The goal of this discussion is to raise children that love God and Honor His Word, have a correct view of the Father, have respect for authority, a deep sense of self-worth and value and blossom into healthy mature adults that fear the Lord.

We as parents are entrusted to teach and give our children identity, self-discipline, self-control, and a holistic view of love.

Recently we were hiking in the Rocky Mountains. The trail we were on was steep and narrow and had no fence or barrier. We all walked as close to wall of the mountain as possible to avoid the steep drop off. There was a feeling of not being safe and a sense that if we made a wrong move we would tumble to the unknown below. It is safe to say it wasn’t a relaxing hike and we felt unsure and tentative.

A few days later we went on another hike in the mountains on a different trail. This trail was just as steep, but it had a small rock barrier built as a ridge between the hiker and the edge. The rock barrier gave a sense of safety and security and allowed for us to walk on the trail freely and with ease.

Limits create a sense of safety.

In the same way, we as parents are creating limits and boundaries that will help our children thrive in years to come.

We are simply starting the conversation. You don’t have to believe us or take everything that we are saying but at least consider what we are saying and we ask you to look through the lens of the Bible and not just believe what your parents did or what you hear society is saying or some magazine telling you.

If you are interested in more, we will continue this conversation and we look forward to hearing from you. You can email us at info@antoniobaldovinos.com. Share it with your friends and keep connected by signing in to our email list to ensure you get the others.

KIDS DO HALF MY GOOD DOUBLE MY BAD

KIDS DO HALF MY GOOD, DOUBLE MY BAD

Antonio Baldovinos | Family & Marriage

Kids do half our good and double our bad. Even if you don’t like that, it’s true.

Looking at your children is a good way to evaluate your habits, priorities and values. Of course, each kid has their own personalities, desires and values, but kids most often reflect you.

Do what I say, not as I do doesn’t work. It didn’t work when you were a kid and it won’t work for your children. My kids don’t even understand the concept of that.

They follow our example.

They do what we do, not what we say to do.

You may be asking, so what should I do? How do I lead better? The answer: lead by example. 

Do what you want them to do and tell them why you’re doing it.

LIVING BY EXAMPLE

Living by example sounds easy, but it’s a challenge as parents to be consistent with this. Successful parents practice what they preach and are mindful of their actions. They know their children are watching them.

Living by example sets a positive standard of behavior and sets an example for your children to improve. Here are some things that can help you.

1. On the Spot Coaching – when living normal life, on the spot teaching in short segments is a great way of developing your children and shows and tells them what is right and what is wrong. Tell them what the Bible says about what they observe and why its important to pray for that person or situation and also why we need to obey the Bible in every way in our life.

2. Open Communication – Open, frequent, and honest communication is vital in your home. Open communication tells your children the who, when, why, where and what is valued in your home.

3. Watch what you say – Actions do speak louder than words, but words can have a direct impact on so much. You will either bring life or death, and how you speak will be imitated. Even speaking about others makes a great negative impact.

4. Take responsibility – As the saying goes, “it’s lonely at the top”. Great parents know when to accept responsibility for mistakes made. This is a great training for how to teach children to respond with humility. As a parent be quick to repent to your children and watch what God can do.

Parents provide the earliest influence on their children. By modeling leadership in their own lives, parents profoundly affect the kind of leaders their children become.

Lastly, one thing we pray for regularly is for God to cover the holes in our covering. We will all make mistakes and need God’s help and grace to help us in leading our homes. I pray you take these points, consider them and lead by example by God’s grace!

HOW TO BLESS YOUR CHILD AT THE RIGHT TIME

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                      HOW TO BLESS YOUR CHILD AT THE RIGHT TIME

                           Antonio Baldovinos | Family & Marriage

On the evening of May 12 this year, with a few close friends and family members, we had a milestone night for our son Michael. He turned 15 years old and we saw a noticeable difference the next day.

We decided to celebrate this key and pivotal moment of his life: we held a Bar Barakah for him. It was one of the best things we have ever done.

Most of you have heard of the Jewish ceremony called the Bar Mitzvah. Well, there is another equally ancient Rite of Passage called the Bar Barakah (for young men) or Bat Barakah (for young women).  It translates “Son, or Daughter, of the Blessing or Grace.”

During the evening we had so much fun, full of tears, laughter, memories, hope-filled future and responsibility.

After worship and prayer we entered the ceremony part. The blessing of the parents is substantial from years past and is still a very important part of blessing children into their identity as a woman or a man. It was God’s intent to settle male and female adult identity through ceremonial blessing from their parents, specifically their father.

The father’s role is very significant. The father is designed by God to fulfill two things: 

  1. Confirm gender identity: God chose at conception from the seed of the Father to determine the gender.
  2. Release into identity: fathers tend to focus on release.

The blessing of a father is so important that Jesus Himself did not start His earthly ministry until after the blessing of His Father.

The son or daughter knows they have left the stage  of being a boy or a girl and enter into the season of manhood or womanhood. Their identity is established. In the days of old, this was the right to passage.

THE ROLE OF A MOTHER

Christelle, his mother, sat face to face with him and spoke to him of his prophetic history, speaking of his greatness as a son from a mother’s heart and perspective.

The role of a mother is very significant. She nurtures the gifts of God that are in a child. The gifts are passed down through mothers and grandmothers, like Timothy and his grandmother Lois, in the book of Timothy in the Bible.

Christelle took this time to read letters from friends and family, sharing blessings, prophetic words and stories.

THE ROLE OF A FATHER

Then I shared a message of proud confidence. Before he has done anything as a husband, father, provider; good or bad; success or failure, I expressed how pleased I am with him before his days as a man begin. Then I shared four principles of what it means to be a man.

  1. A man rejects passivity
  2. A man is to lead a family in the spiritual direction
  3. A man is a servant
  4. A man leads courageously

Then I invited him to dedicate his life and walk like a man in these areas:

  1. Sexual Purity: he becomes responsible for his own body.
  2. Spiritual Maturity: the development and greatest authority is on him.
  3. Have a Life Missions Statement: that is written and clearly laid out.
  4. Financial Management: provision, giving, saving, lending, investing, and spending.
  5. Relationship in Finding His Wife: courting a woman that is noble and worthy to be pursued for the purpose of marriage. 

We ended with prayer over him, gave him a special gift he could wear and spoke blessings over him. I highly recommend that every parent do this and release blessings and identity into their children. It changed our home forever!

Embracing Motherhood by Christelle Baldovinos

Women today are told so many lies. Rarely do we hear or see what a godly woman should look like, act like – and be. The lies that the feminist movement of the 60’s brought in have infiltrated our western culture and the Church. The results are a radical decline in birthrate, abortion, fatherless families, and social confusion. The spirit of this world is trying to take women from their positions of strength. The message rooted in pride, self-centeredness and self-advancement must be countered with a company of women who walk out their value, their worth, and who embrace the high call of raising up disciples in their own home.

“A woman of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies…Many woman do noble things, but you surpass them all. Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised. (Proverbs 31:10 &29-30)”

 We can become a company of women who fear and please the Lord through everything we do including our parenting. We can be women who care more about inner beauty and releasing it into our homes, than conforming to the patterns and standards the world sets for us. The Lord places such a high value on being a woman who invests in her home; that He states, “you surpass all the others, even those who do other noble things!” (My paraphrase) That is a powerful declaration. We have great worth in the sight of the Lord and as we lay down our lives to invest in these ones entrusted to us, we are taking the high position of Jesus- a servant.

 This subject of “Embracing Motherhood” has been something that I have been pondering in my heart for many years. How do I raise kids to be equipped to live a life of radical obedience to the Lord, in a culture that pursues mostly personal gain instead of personal sacrifice? If being a mother was so valuable then why did society view it as weak and a downgrade? Why do cultural norms, even in Christian circles, seem to be so very different than scripture? Can being a mom really affect more for the kingdom than pursuing my own interests, even godly ones? Do I have what it takes to raise kids as ammunition against the enemy as Psalm 127:4 says that kids are? In the midst of our family growing, and the weight of responsibility came, I really began to ask God to reveal the answers to these questions to my heart. God has since allowed me a glimpse of what I get to take part in by being a mother. I am not only getting to raise five children to pursue God, and take hold of what He has for them, but I am building a legacy that will affect and echo throughout all eternity.

 After much thought and struggle, I felt that I should share some things I have learned and am still learning from being a wife and mothering our five children. I have put together a two-part teaching on “Embracing Motherhood”.  Hope you are challenged and inspired to take hold of what only you can do for your kids…enjoy it!

To read the full teaching…..click here: http://antoniobaldovinos.org/resources/Embracing-Motherhood-Part-1.pdf

To read other articles and teachings, click here: http://antoniobaldovinos.org/page17/index.html

Fathers-The Glory of their Children:

In every generation, the Fathers ability to train their children determines the success or failure of the Church and the condition of the Church determines the success or failure of society.

Far too often Fathers wait for a  Church program to reform their wayward children. What we desperately need today is Fathers!

The evil one has assaulted the very basis of the foundation in marriage and has turned brother against brother. He is an expert at causing fathers and children to turn away from one another. 

We need today a revolution of leaders; men that will lead their homes. We desperately need a turning of the home today!

If you are interested in reading the full teaching, click here: http://antoniobaldovinos.org/resources/Fathers-The-glory-of-their-children.pdf

If you are interested in more teachings, go to www.antoniobaldovinos.org 

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