DISCIPLINE IS LOVE SERIES: STARTING THE CONVERSAION

                     Antonio & Christelle Baldovinos | Marriage and Family

How can you love your kids through discipline?

Through the various seasons.

Ages.

Personalities.

Genders.

How do you effectively guide their hearts and lives?

There are countless ideas, methods and opinions.

We only get one shot at parenting and most parents want to do this right.

We don’t get a manual for how to father and mother and once you think you have figured out one season, you are being challenged to grow in the next.

For us to speak on disciplining and raising your children is risky and the controversies and differing opinions can be volatile. We know that we could even get hate mail because we even bring up the subject. We simply want to help.

We are not professionals.

We are not counselors.

We do not have a degree in child phycology.

We have 5 children from ages 7-17, and we have also lost 2 children who are in Heaven. We have been married 19 years, and we have more to grow in ourselves. We are not perfect and we have much to learn.

You may not know our children or us. We have done some things wrong, made many mistakes and by the grace of God we have done some things correctly. The reality of the need for God’s guidance and grace provokes our most frequent prayer “God, cover the holes in our covering”.

We have great parents who loved and cared for us to the best of their ability, imperfectly but always reaching to guide us Biblically. We have also learned from many other parents who have done it correctly.

We want to start the dialogue of disciplining children through a series of blogs to help those that want to learn and bring strength to their homes and the wisdom of God into their parenting.

Over 100 years ago when a young mother had her first baby the older women in the family came over and brought guidance and counsel to help the young mom. Similarly the older men of the families taught the young fathers and husbands how to be men. Somewhere over the years we have gone from the Biblical passing down our inheritance through family to leaning on the so called “experts”. We must get back to the tried and proved ways of God and can no longer ignore the time honoring ideas from the Bible.

The experts of the 1920’s spoke of a harsh no affection approach to parenting. As time went on we reached the 1960’s and 70’s that introduced a permissive, no discipline approach to parenting, where defiant behavior was viewed as something that could be “reasoned with” or grown out of.  

The pendulum swung from harsh oppressive discipline with no love or affection to a permissive approach that equates discipline as unloving.

Both have detrimental effects.

Oppressive harsh discipline belittles a child and creates rejection, hostility and a ruined self-worth.

Permissiveness breeds disrespect and it creates children that are tyrants and dictators. In adolescent years permissive parenting will reap hatred toward their parents. Permissiveness has not only failed as an approach to child rearing, it has been a disaster to those who have tried it.

We must understand that love and discipline interact to influence the attitude and formation of respect and stability in a child. Disciplinary action is not an assault on parental love; it is a function of it.

Some view love and discipline as contradicting one another; love and affection versus setting limits when defiant behavior occurs. Love and discipline seem to be opposing each other, yet they are two dimensions of the same quality. One demands the other.

We must understand that appropriate discipline is not something parents “do” to a child, but it is something they do “for” the child.

The goal of this discussion is to raise children that love God and Honor His Word, have a correct view of the Father, have respect for authority, a deep sense of self-worth and value and blossom into healthy mature adults that fear the Lord.

We as parents are entrusted to teach and give our children identity, self-discipline, self-control, and a holistic view of love.

Recently we were hiking in the Rocky Mountains. The trail we were on was steep and narrow and had no fence or barrier. We all walked as close to wall of the mountain as possible to avoid the steep drop off. There was a feeling of not being safe and a sense that if we made a wrong move we would tumble to the unknown below. It is safe to say it wasn’t a relaxing hike and we felt unsure and tentative.

A few days later we went on another hike in the mountains on a different trail. This trail was just as steep, but it had a small rock barrier built as a ridge between the hiker and the edge. The rock barrier gave a sense of safety and security and allowed for us to walk on the trail freely and with ease.

Limits create a sense of safety.

In the same way, we as parents are creating limits and boundaries that will help our children thrive in years to come.

We are simply starting the conversation. You don’t have to believe us or take everything that we are saying but at least consider what we are saying and we ask you to look through the lens of the Bible and not just believe what your parents did or what you hear society is saying or some magazine telling you.

If you are interested in more, we will continue this conversation and we look forward to hearing from you. You can email us at info@antoniobaldovinos.com. Share it with your friends and keep connected by signing in to our email list to ensure you get the others.