# 1 GOAL EVERY MARRIAGE SHOULD HAVE
Antonio Baldovinos | Marriage and Family
The most important day of your marriage is not your wedding day.
People put all this energy into the first day of marriage by getting ready with invitations, dresses, venues, dinners, videos, etc. Though this is fine, it does not have any lasting impact on a marriage. We need to put far more effort on that last day than on the first day—the last day is the most important.
A marriage has to be built for a 50, 60, 70 year run, not a 50-yard sprint.
It’s safe for me to say, and you would probably agree with me, that marriage is under attack from every side.
Our culture bombards our minds with the idea that our aim in life is to make us happy. Marriage is looked upon as no more than simply dating; it is not viewed as a covenant relationship. Even the concept of one man and one woman in marriage is under attack. This isn’t news to you.
Why do I say this?
We would not dream of going through a battlefield in World War II with bullets whirling past our head and bombs and mines exploding around us, and simply stroll through hoping we not only survive, but win.
No! We would train, exercise and study the battle plan, study the enemy’s tactics, and most importantly we would be alert and ready!
When we build a good foundation in marriage we build a great foundation for our children and the generations that follow.
Marriages don’t necessarily choose to grow apart, but husbands and wives stop fighting and choosing to stay together.
It’s the second law of thermodynamics: things are naturally pulling apart; things are naturally going into ruin.
It is so easy for this to happen in a marriage through parenting, vocation, and your own avocations and hobby’s. This is not even taking into consideration our worldviews and what culture preaches.
THE LONGEVITY OF MARRIAGE IS FOUNDED UPON ONE THING
Friedrich Nietzsche once said “It’s not a lack of love but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages.”
Without friendship in marriage, you live a lonely life.
Marriage is two imperfect people walking face to face by the grace of God. It is the greatest and only strength a marriage can have to thrive, and it takes God to have this!
You’ll find countless volumes of books on romance, intimacy, and passion in marriage, but not much on the simple act of being good friends as husband and wife. It seems friendship is secondary to romance in the minds of many.
IS THE ANSWER FOR LONGEVITY
I can’t emphasize enough the only thing that will be the glue in your marriage is a lasting friendship.
Many in years past used to stay married for the sake of children when they went through struggle. But what happens when the children are gone?
It’s increasingly become more common to “gray divorce.” Meaning, the 50 and older population has increased in divorce by 52 percent in the last several years.
As soon as kids leave the nest it wrecks havoc on the loneliness the couple feels because there was no friendship established within marriage. The glue that kept them together was the children, and when the children leave it seems there is no reason to stay together.
I’m not endorsing divorce for the reasons people are getting divorced today—the reasons are ridiculous and unbiblical.
Today’s mindset (and main goal of marriage) is to enhance personal happiness rather than seeing marriage through the eyes of Biblical love.
However, to strengthen long-term marriage the couple has to be committed to building a lasting, deep friendship; a marriage that is planted by streams of water, that brings forth fruit in season, whose leaf does not wither; you will prosper in all seasons of marriage (Psalm 1 paraphrased).
HOW TO CULTIVATE FRIENDSHIP
Cultivating a friendship will take time, labor and attention.
Most relationships go through highs and lows.
At the beginning of all relationships, especially a marriage, it begins with some kind of infatuation. But Infatuation doesn’t last longer than 2 years. When the honeymoon settles, then what?
If there is no friendship, there is no root system.
Friendship takes focus and attention.
It begs to ask, what makes a good friendship?
A couple should be best friends.
Best friends talk.
Best friends share thing with each other, both good and bad; there are no secrets.
Best friends look for the interest of the other.
Best friends sacrifice for the other, with no strings attached. And, sometimes they do things they don’t necessarily like.
They work out their differences.
We are talking more than just any type of relationship. We are talking about the lifelong, till death do us part; the kind of relationship made in blood, covenant blood, under heaven and before witnesses!
The number 1 aim and goal for every marriage to have lasting fruit is to build it on friendship, not on children, a mission or any other thing.
After all, the reason why God created marriage in the first place was because it was not good for man to be alone (Gen 2:18). Tons of other benefits overflow from this friendship, but the base of a lasting and strong marriage is friendship!